vAmPIrE hEaRt

An empty page, coarse paper sheet, I pick up a graphite pencil. 

From fugue i find myself in this time and space. This zone. This could either be a beginning of creation or chaos. 

Like a dervish am both the whirlpool and getting sucked into another one. An off kilter flight, nose-diving here, near missing the Snow Mountains, there. 

It's a maze of clarity am lost in. 

The morning light filters through the white and blue sheer curtains painting zebra-stripes on the whites and the creams of the wall. I haven’t really slept a calm wink and yet I need these few minutes willing them into an hour at least… uninterrupted to be with myself! 

Pocketing these moments greedily. Contemplation, perception, a hungry conversation with self… a hunger for creation, the hunger for chaos, a hunger... insatiable. 

The house is humming with early morning snugness and sleepy sighs.

I would give anything for a perfectly normal average girl-next-door! And, stop these crazy loops, unintended. Falling off routine and everything else like on a slider… I always hated those sliders even as a kid… no control!

I let myself create the wildness on the paper, the incongruent images and lines, a few scattered sentences…

One day - am trying to get the sessile sustenance click with wilderness of my heart. 

One day - soon

Copyright © Neerja Yadav

le reve

Neither floating,
Nor flowing…

In this “frozen embryo”
The IS conceived me, out of love…
For happiness…
Sometimes the light flutters
Those butterfly kisses
Tickles my sleep
The IS waves the wand
And I stir
The comfort zone, too precious
The remorse not acceptable
There are still things to be learnt here
For thoughts never sleep,
Nor hibernate
But IS desires differently…
Trying to find solace ….in
the cumulus and the cirrus
Those sea laden cotton wool (how do they do it??)
Those will o wisp masquerades
asking the questions, the right ones (how do I decide?)
sending the right current, telepathic with the IS
the stars make me feel homesick
and desperately look for “my mom”
rocketing the right prayers
slowly I fragment…
the evil and the devil
the good and the angel
some 14 shades of grey
moving from… the Topside to the Flipside
the duchess of hell and the queen of heaven
tries on different evening wears

And then I come back…
Merge and morph into this…
What the IS willed me to be…
And yet… a long way before the will comes to pass the actuality that was willed!