surrender to the silence

Silence! What does it mean? While it accentuates the curves of speech, sometimes serves as its worthy enemy! The silence I talk of is not the absence of things to say. But the one, which is so much a part of you… that you don’t realize it exists… until the day, it just wakes up, stirs in that obscure corner, where it was lying mute and watchful, all this while… and this little rouse, hits you like a slap!

It does not hold meaning, for, all those times, it was being trampled on… ignored, it grew into realms of “beyond-meaning” and now, when you suddenly see its presence… and now when you wish it would talk to you… let it out, give it the substance, you think, it deserves… another hit… it IS so potent, its gone beyond grasp…of words.

It could have been invited in that corner as a post update of absolutely anything…

Something, which when crashed, was so enormous, that your “self” did not possess the temerity to attempt an understanding… and so, there it was! Ready to hold you and ensconce you, in safety!

And, while it was busy building those rain checks… you slipped out into the sunshine from the backdoor… leaving it all by itself.

And, that’s why… now…

It needs coaxing, constant pampering… slow salve to the sentient… with a random poetry, an abstract wit, an outburst, a song….a constant humming… and then one fine day… it would decide to give the words, the speech, a chance at an affair with itself… of course, the guard is still on… and not all is revealed… it’s a continuing exploration… an ongoing discovery… at least the start is made.

And, some day a memoir would be born!

For now, am enjoying the torrid affair. Of my silence and my speeches!

Copyright © Neerja Yadav

speed of dakness

remember the corners you turned?
those turns continue to stand there, still
with too many creepers around my feet

wish, someday, somewhere…
you could taste this existence
nights which killed me…
could somehow knock on your doors,


the name still dances on my lips
but my voice cracks…

the quest of the expanse, still on
but my senses are weary…

the unquenched thirst, still hurts
but my senses soaked…

a vision… a mirage
beginning of an obsession
transformed into devotion

am no longer my own

bathed in the blood
of my hurt..
hurt of my own want
hurt of my own desire
hurt of my fear

fear of knowing you
fear of losing “you”

the mirage…

my saviour
my nemesis
my continued reverence…

and

…you are now the messiah

Copyright © Neerja Yadav

jus another drop

would you weave these stories,
would you hold this heart,

while I shake off your spell…
going back to the start

remember the nights?
i cradled you with my pillows
bundled your smiles
tapped my dreams to sleep

remember the dusks?
i flirted with raindrops
spoke to spaces
tuned myself to life…

unfinished blinks
dotted breaths
incomplete me…


Copyright © Neerja Yadav

love@-2700 degrees

colors of sunset
playing in dark eyes

shades of orange
sieving shadows

like the first lightening
shivers of beauty

slow falling poetry
exhilarating rock song…

drizzles of desires
thrills of innocence

queen of dreams
flowing … river in rains
flying... new wings
running…young fawn

drowning…neon signs
inundating… noises around
submerging… muddy waters

sometimes all we have is forced fantasies
sometimes its just contrived romance…

sometimes… these are the only shots
to numb… the farce,
to ignore… the pain,
to loose…the won race…

umm,...
…and I just lost you again
but faith I cant loose

… one quick
flashed look
sub zero breaths

a whirlwind…
a wand swish

hiding beneath the sheets of night
spinning yarns…of an unknown knight

unclaimed love
reclaims the void
while floating
like fairytale feathers

nostalgia of the tune…
like ‘heathclife’ it haunts …



Copyright © Neerja Yadav

drink to glory

seems like yesterday?
Or was it tomorrow?
you lightly touch my sleep

tripped on my dreams

let the low mist roll in
let the little bells toll in
a few more dreams…

you spread the fluffy sky,
i have the wet sand
…beneath my feet

amidst the midnight clouds
silver washed sky…

silence in the courtyard
the planet sleeps…

with,

slow and sudden deliberation
my anklets tinkle

my bangles clink
with bashful and growing seduction

fluttering, smiling eyelids
wet, gleaming lips

a few unsaid heart beats
a few skipped shyness…

with
stars in the eyes

the soul
moves on the tempo

the body
stirs to the tune

am drunk on the moonlight…

Copyright © Neerja Yadav

uncolored knowledge, quantified emotions

“Sometimes the needs are not transitive”

Sometimes the knowledge of someone’s power just sneaks over you,
Catching you unawares…

Knowledge!
Sometimes, it isn’t power
Sometimes, it does not have color

Those seconds and minutes,
Those counted steps and numbered counts
An attempt at drowning the sense of helplessness inside
Perfectly stoic calm holding
The butterflies lurching around in the bile
My own metaphors for the state
Clouding my mind

Threw everything in the box
Heaped everything on the scales

And crossed my fingers
Packed my prayers
Eyelids shut tight
And hoped against hope,

That the sheer force,
Would

Make the difference
Shift the weight…

And make the moment mine…

With, an unbroken absoluteness.


Copyright © Neerja Yadav

contained chaos

Two perfect strangers.


He came little close (too close?): “in dark you can’t see properly…”; and this darkness-filtered-by-lights-from-the-street, was really his idea; in the first place.


Not that I minded, being there. Me, the if-ever-lights-are-out-and-i-scream, did not mind it!!! Was quite comfortable.. uh huh.. actually far from comfortable… sweaty palms, shaking shivering frame. I could seriously hear my throbbing heart, inside my brains. Brains? Was I even thinking?

He took another tentative step, a very small step, “you are shrinking”. Shrinking? I could just wrap into a little bundle right here.

I did not dare look up into his eyes. His eyes!


Since,I first met him, I have been extremely aware of his eyes. Not many a brown pairs have managed to look straight inside. The way they manage to laser in through all those walls and cobwebs on them.

And, I don’t mean, those locking of looks which one gets into, while high on adrenaline, there in “the moment”. That, I know, happens to all of us. Has had happened to me. Eyes’, brimming with love and passion, when one is in love and in those moments!! That’s bliss!

But, this?? This was… lemme look for a befitting description…



Umm, while the background process of “now” functioning brains go looking for the description.

In the meanwhile, unbeknownst to my frazzled senses, “his royal highness”…

(why? Well, the guy walked and talked and behaved like he ruled one and all and none, but that isn’t a surprise, we could easily put that as “chauvinism”, but no, this wasn’t just plain male egoism, this was gentleman arrogance, dignity and royalty all rolled into one. But the surprise really is that for once, me the ardent freedom freak, me the confident devil-may-care-wild-child was not only so goddamned conscious of him… I actually flustered and at times found myself just quiet and looking for words… and not even looking for them; somehow, being in quiet company was just enough)

…was co close that his warm deep breath was flirting with my truant strands of hair, playing softly on my cheeks. Shrinking? Is that what he said? I could just curl up like a flower right here.


Not a touch… not a word anymore… all I did was look up into those eyes. Clearly a mistake!


*exhilaration*,*fire*,*waves*,*craze*,*complete blur*
The air around---
Those few moments---
Those eyes---
--- Raw unadulterated energy.



The moment passed like all moments do,
like, I knew it would.


Why then did I catch a lone drop on my cheeks?
Why did I pacakge the whirlwind inside in a small little smile?


Copyright © Neerja Yadav

25 minutes

do you know, like i do??
theres only a moment or two...

still haven't said a few good bye
hanging still are a few little "hi"s

dear time,...
could you manage a slow motion take...

now that we transcend, the realms
now that we move on

i still have a wish
a wish to be kissed

kissed by life
one last time

Copyright © Neerja Yadav