plucking some leaves off the dead branch AND echo-ni-mix of fairy dust


Spring is round the corner… the signs of somber elegance, beginning to slowly wrap themselves around the trees… like the orchestral arrangement of “light my fire”… nature seems to be cherishing each note, each chord and step of the harmony.
The things that make us are the things that break us almost always … the aspirations, desires, wishes … passion. The twain shall never meet and the twain shall never be apart. Like a double helix DNA, sometimes the closest you get to things are the things that you are furthest from.
Think, the low hanging big beige chalk in the spring sky… does this to me. Here in this time and place… with iPod belting out some hardcore death metal… the room mates cracking up at ever word and sentence which takes on that form of double entendre… so characteristic of such gatherings… you never know who started with some off color joke… with a seemingly perfect innocent statement and then its like chain reaction… every action… every gossip takes that edge of hints. Ah, I do digress!
Like always and in like all things that catch my fancy, I have been trying to find deeper meanings in those meanings of pulse code modulation theory, amongst other things, the paper I need to finish off for some training coming up. The science and art of sound is a potent high. When you read about amplitude manipulation with frequency and phase modulation thrown in for a good measure… with all those 2D graphs, desperately trying to convey the effects which I otherwise call “morrisson”, “cranberries”, “linkin park”, “royksopp” to name a few…
I am my greatest lover and greatest critic… and right now, though I find myself completely awake to myself… to my desires and my hurts… the celebration of some of life’s spatial and temporal gifts along with the acknowledgments and acceptance of some hard facts… I also know that being a lil more stolid of some things and some more resolute at some of the other ones; is exactly what the doc ordered!
Happiness is out there just to be taken… all I need to do is look beyond… if only for “bas ek pal”
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as seed goes on to the next as blossom, and so that which came to me as blossom goes on as fruit.
Dawna Markova


Copyright © Neerja Yadav

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