subterranean foliage N' longwinding verbiage

I remember when I began stringing words and declared myself as a writer of sorts in my mind, as a high school student … my motivations of, gingerly arranging all the stationery and pulling an old chair in a solitary corner of the house, was nothing less than ceremonious; and entirely different than what they are now. As a new entrant to the world of literature and the art of story telling … more often than not I caught myself day dreaming revolutionizing the world with the word-power – the power which would be created all by me, a power which would be self satiating and not make one hungry, a power of pride, which comes from the knowledge and the passion of being able to make a difference.

The idyllic small Indian town were I grew up and went to school has always seen that clear divide between two thought processes – one which passionately and realistically believes that there are higher things than just subsisting and another set which is really good at the game of just subsisting.

One group which knows, that there is an endless sky of things to be known and to be learnt. These are erudite. These are the people who can talk about Dragone’s La Reve, Ramanujam’s Theorems and quote Oscar Wilde with the same panache of any upper class Londoner for example, while skirting the potholes of the narrow by lanes of downtown on a rickety cycle rickshaw.

And another group which haggles with the same rickshaw guy for 2 bucks, not because they are mean and miserly or poor, but they can buy a kilo of vegetable with those 2 bucks and save. This is the same set of people who talk about the next wedding or child birth or neighbors issue and the axis of their universe is riddled with electricity, water and the children’s weddings

But make no mistake, these two exist together! Sometimes one gives birth to another, sometimes they are siblings; sometimes they share the same bus seat and jump over same potholes. Umm, actually make that always and not just sometimes.

A no win game. A game where people do not play against other team, but the fight is big and is within or among them.

A game, where when you become the observer, is a gold mine of experiences, ideas, pain and catharsis… there after. A stage, where the play continues long after the curtain down and audience are happily tucked in bed.

A mode of survival, where everyone does get to survive but few, live.

From approaching writing with reverence to using it as a means to end; an end which is a constant hunt – a hunt which is – unyielding; much ice has melted at the Arctics.

A long way before, I am competent enough to be able to see my love and loss, my words and ideas … turn crinkly yellow with age! Much long way …

And, oft late … a realization of sorts … a spiraling inside … a fleet of thoughts ganging up … to wake me up and scream inside … that the in-satiation which I have been quarreling against, the loneliness which is slowly eating its way to the core; in-spite everything and everyone; will perhaps can never be quieted by all the hi-flyin success of those deals I close or home that I keep doing up (though, it has a certain degree of satisfaction) etc etc. I am convinced beyond doubt that i would have to brave the hopeless claustrophobia and dive in…

Working on it… no iPhone 2.0 with GPS this time around; for satellites cant really map where you are on the terrain of subconscious.



Casperbaba said...

well the "lonliness" bug... i understand.. i have been bitten by it too.. but somehow i have now trained myself to be comfortable with it. even though being with a huge bunch of frnz i have managed to steal myself lonliness since i m comforted by it now.
its a choice that a person makes very conciously. With you the rationale of the happenings rule over the emoting aspect of ur charaterstics. U analyse nd then emote. but u also have to understand the factor and the scale of lonliness drives our capabilities to be individualistic.. nd i can see that ur an "individual".
What i want to know is whats the path or the joourney u have taken to achieve what u really wish to achieve... well the answers would definately make themself's clear once u decide what the xact question is. i dunno if i made sense to u. i hope i did.

P.S- there's a small dedication i have left for u on this address
i hope u dun get offended by it. its done with purest of the intentions.

:) god bless

Da Rodent said...

"iphone 2.0" ??? I am drooling :)

Enemy of the Republic said...

Writers are a notoriously lonely lot, and I don't mean the ones who want to write, but the ones who have to. I think you are in that camp, and your writing is among the best in the blogsphere--I mean that. Our demons often create our art at the expense of our inner peace.

666 said...

nice post neers.. really liked the rickety rickshaw part. Allow me to quote unquote it on my blog.


Kuan Gung said...

It's been said in many forms the the soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone. And as we also know from ancient times, deep meditation, knowledge and valor have always been the two pillars of the Path that nourish and enlighten both body and soul. I've always embraced that the Path to Peace is exceedingly vast, reflecting the grand design of the hidden and manifest worlds. Being raised in a rural environment my imagination flourished from the quiet sway of the swing in my grandparents orchards on shimmering summer days, to the many walks in the woods where my imagination took flight in the joy of surrounding wonders of nature. I always had a vision of the world beyond what the eyes could behold. I found solitary wanderings a delight to the mind. As a young child I felt something truly ancient existed on the horizon. These joys dimmed as I progressed through life, seeking imaginary things that I thought were the path to happiness. Perhaps now more then ever as a awake each day to the routines of my existence I treasure these past moments even more. For now when I strap on my blackberry and catch a glimpse of joy as the sun rises on my way to subsistence, my hope is an encounter of those I pass haven't the look of the fade or the sleeping, but an encounter with the true living. These are few and very far in between. And so life goes on in hope it continues to have many extraordinary possibilities. I regress to my child hood in my thoughts of the stroll in the wood in battle with a warrior spirit to save the earth. I now know the true meaning of that spirit is to foster and polish it while serving in this world; to illuminate the path according to where my inner light takes me. For a warrior is that living shrine of the divine, I as one only hope to serve that grand purpose. To doze off with the collective sleeping is my greatest fear, in so doing I guard against what people think in their world, and only hope through wisdom, to embrace what I believe on this sometime solitary journey.

I admire your spirit, but most importantly, I admire that pen of yours neers. It brings great delight and reflection to the soul.

Casperbaba said...

hi neers,

i m glad i did make sense to you. :)

regarding the dedication... well will give u the longer format to reach there. try doin dis when u find time.
go to this blog. open the comments section of the first post. there go to the third page. since u'll see bout 600 odd comments... u'll see my dedication on the top of the first page. read thru it... u'll see it right there.

take care... :)
god bless

Casperbaba said...

the pleasure's all mine!

Sojourner said...

I couldn't fall off the face of the Earth...
It is round.
Came to catch some vibes on this thread of the web ;)

Jello said...

Well written and shall i say a good "Preface" to what you should write - a book - :)
hey there, "the loneliness" is everywhere - its just hard to see and realize. But you know, when you join two or more lonelies' together can no longer be lonely. hehe - enuf abt lone's LOL.
as always - I believe you're not so alone cause your' "digital-pen" is always with you - least I can say abt me :'-(

Sojourner said...

write more!

and this is VN's blog:

CC: VN, Neers
you both ask about each other but don't visit. you guys are nuts.

Sojourner said...

not a slate. It is a slide show ;)

~Deb said...

Your words are captivating and I do agree with Enemy and Jello with what they have said: " in blogosphere and would be a great preface for your next book!"

Jaycee said...

So yeah...I'm waiting for ur update Ms.