nights like tonight...

Tonight I feel like a piece sky blue ribbon caught in a snarl of twigs. Unraveled, scattered, tired. My heart beating in my temples. Trying to learn what recuperating means, as I realize that instead of rest I’ve been holding everything else together these past few days. Doing nothing. Hard not to.

I haven’t learned yet how to protect my energy without being selfish. How to take care of myself without hoarding my time. Is there a way to balance this? The filament feels so flimsy between me and the world tonight. The sky is ashy and gray.

I press my palms to my face. My heart feels like a small bird caught in the high wires. Tonight, optimism is ash. I am on my knees.

Even after the fire’s heat is evident and my face is flushed I linger, kneeling, whispering a silent prayer. Wind keeps whistling. Night gathers in the wet branches of trees beyond the glass. Tonight there is no chin-up positive attitude. No sunny outlook. Just pure exhaustion and the simple slim hope that tomorrow will be better than today.