moments that i grew up in

No words, these days. Strecthing silence.

It was a year of swinging emotions, intense moments, pervasive financial stress, and newborn sleep-induced forgetfulness.  I'm in love, big time. I have a definite to-be-acheived list. I have my boy. Sleep deprivation is like a second nature. I have to begin running. I have to write.  I have to save.

                      On one hand, I accomplished nothing. On the other: I’m here. We are. 

I am hopeful. This is my Year of Hope!

And, here is what OH-NINE was like:

It has been a year of roller-coaster, of being married. New job. Old home. A full circle!

A month of tail spinning mind to the edge of post partum depression. I learnt to apply the brakes on it. It would try and win but I would almost tumble down but then I won, somehow... everytime!

Nirvaan was born! It wasnt as I had planned. Destiny had me go under the knife and Nirvaan came a little early then the tick on the calendar. A week of post operative shenanigans, I was home. With this perfect boy that has filled my life. And so began our love affair.

The beginning of all sorts of things…complicated. Complications with the final semester and lotsa of all nighters. Up with breathlessness, up with pain, up with swelling and itches.

Moved to Parents place, to wait out the last trimester. Long talks with mom, extended conversations with dad. Coaching cousins on all things academic and others. Moodiness! Long periods of silence!

Evidence of the intangible. Feeling on the cusp of things. Looking after my garden. Revelling in everyday, enjoying late rain, moving into comfort with my belly! Books. Movies. And long talks with my belly!

We moved to new place. Long back breaking hours of doing up the new house. And then slowly we made our home, beginning to settle.

It was a summer of give-and-take, of us coming face-to-face with the consequences of a life and also arduous domesticity. We were in the thick of sleep deprivation and summer’s heat and rain.

 Feeling the impermanence and indelible insistence of what it means to be a daughter, wife, daughter-in-law and a mother to be.  Realizing that nothing lasts, even when things were tenuous between us. Scared! Pregnant, wistful, restless, moody!

I quit my job. At the time I took a leave of absence, but already I knew I wouldn’t return.
Moodiness with capital M.  Nausea with big N. 

New country, hostile weather. Good people, low times. I discovered that I was pregnant!

In-laws! New place to call home. Sub-zero temperature. Morning bed teas and being the bride. Cold nights turned cozy.  First tentative steps into matrimony.


No comments: