in a parallel universe

she fed him
he was sleeping angelically
a slow smile spread... on his cherubic face

she kept watching him, like every morning ritual
like a silent daily prayer

he was her heart, her soul out there in a live tiny human form
she kept watching, as in trance... 
he is such a wee thing and yet fills up the room...
and fills her up

in trance, an hour passed... like a blink
watching... it was eons

and she almost retraced her steps back
but it HAD to be done
even for him

she got up..
stepped up and over the ledge
flyin like a bird she always wanted to be

she would be great for him... as an angel

mornings are like this, these days

 the handwritten note just said: "i know you will love him as much as i do...pls take care of him...and am sorry.... i dont think, am a good mother"

love and oodles of it...

early morning cold coffee,
smoothness, to the mad rush

a quick hug
which lasts a lifetime
thumps the heart like a train
nothing to smooth it, down
the feeling jumps out from inside and
takes a shape of its own...
there you created it... its neither you nor me
its a Us... an entire universe in itself
a black-hole of existence

"Hidden by the shadows,
And searching for the farthest light,
He smiles at her answer...
When she notices a star that’s bright.

Talking of the future,
And speaking of the past,
She smiles at his answer,
As he notices his reflection in her eyes.

It’s a moment that should last forever
It’s a moment where everything seems to be right

It's cold outside,
Yet in the warmth of the room...
Metaphor and magic fight"

p.s: the bridges of madison county - etched forever

friday notebook

Out the window the clouds were pretending to be mountains, there, across the skyline, beyond the distant hills, where the world ends, there below the sky with shoulders hunched, the sun hesitant and hiding, air pregnant with anticipation, and the scent rising slowly... humidity gave way to precipitation, basic science .... 

the evening air feels scrubbed clean, after the bout of rain romance... unleashed passion and the fragrance lingers... 

with a small perma smile... i get back to my books, my baby and all things practical... and yet, the heart believes... we are surrounded by magic, always...


 livin' on a prayer...
the countdown begins

beauty is the reign of terror

she kept begging him not to hit her
and he kept hitting her.... and the more she cried, it drove him mad? excited?  
he hit her more
kept hitting her... and after a while, all senses left her...

from out of body, she saw herself, battered and bruised... more in spirit then in body
she saw herself hooked on to the IV ... only she was dying drip, after drip...
images kept plinking around, in a fast forward or a slow motion...
she saw herself, on the floor, never so broken...

she got up, saw herself outside the door
and walked on ... an automaton, a zombie ...
she saw herself being stared at...
she walked

a thought: if she were to be picked up and raped right now... it wouldn't matter, not a bit
didn't happen... she walked on

somewhere, something was screaming for attention
her cellphone...

45 missed calls, 7 am in the morning...
it rang again, she picked up, "hello!"

"Happy birthday, darling!"


"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!, can you hear us?"
her parents!

"hey dad-mom, thank you!", "what happened? baby? are you alright?"
"oh yeah, totally... i just have a bad migraine...sorry"

in larger scheme of things... this perhaps doesnt matter too much... worse things happen, somalia, haiti, china, india... whatever
but in her universe, a planet was annihilated... "pullquote"

in larger scheme of things... this perhaps doesnt matter too much... worse things happen, somalia, haiti, china, india... whatever

but in her universe, a planet was annihilated...



breath still, has the taste of your lips
body still, sings the tune of your touch
dreams still, color your name
air still, fogs your fragrance
known you for miles
strangers of ages.
this isnt really love
but feels a lot like it...

happy birthday/two

difficult not to eat him up whole...

My little man,

You are SO BIG, suddenly. You are six months old today and you do things like sit up and rock back and forth like a drunk little Buddha. You eat mashed bananas and reach out for more saying “mmm, mmmm, mmm.” You also tried rice cereal, but it seems to have spent more time on your little moon cheeks than in your mouth. You loved it though. And every time you try a new taste (like mashed potatoes or cakes —which I put on the tip of my finger for you to try) you make the funniest faces in the whole world.

When you’re 16 you’ll accuse me of doing this for my own entertainment, and it’s ENTIRELY TRUE. You’re hysterically funny to watch: the way you pucker up your lips and furrow your eyebrows. But man, do we love you! And really, since your diapers are clearly NOT for my entertainment, something has to be. And by the time you’re 16 I’m sure I’l have a whole list of things that you do that are for YOUR entertainment at my expense, so I’m living it up while I can.

I didn’t write you monthly letters when you were very little because I was still so stunned that you were here, and I was just getting the hang of the whole co-sleeping, boob-feeding way of life.

When you were teeny tiny, just two and three months old, you impressed us because you could hold your head up just a little bit, and occasionally you’d roll over, tummy to back, though always looked confused when it happened. Then, you were fascinated with your mobile, and we lived for your smiles which made your crying jags and your night time wake-ups worth it.

Your granny was your constant companion for past four months and suddenly she had to go back and you were totally confused having Mumma around whole day and not just evenings and nights. You wouldnt eat nor sleep.  But today you are back to your sunny self!

Each month goes by in a blur. Some days feel long. Like when you wake up at night screaming because of something, or because you have the wiggles, or because you had a bad dream—or whatever it is that possesses your little self to wake up at 2 a.m, 2:30 a.m., 3 a.m., 4:30 a.m and so on. Or when, for some reason, during the day, you simply cant wind down enough to nap and you become a ferocious grump, crying whenever we set you down. This makes us exhausted.

You’re long now: longer than most babies, I think. And you’ve outgrown all your 3-6 month pants even though your jusssst 6 months old. You’ve discovered that you like eating your hat, and your hands and everything that comes your way. It NEEDS to go in your mouth.

You are trying to crawl. You do push ups and scoot your knees underneath you but then crumple up and face plant when you try to move forward. You’re still not coordinated enough, though each day you practice, and we’re sure you’ll be an early crawler because you seem so determined.

 You smile at almost everyone you meet and roar loudly with glee whenever we tickle you or make faces.

This month I feel like you’re on the verge of so much. You’ve started looking like a little boy to me–rather than a baby. You look so mature with your little t-shirts and shorts. And you’re so dexterous and purposeful with how you handle objects now. You switch them easily from hand to hand, and have just discovered the joys of POUNDING THINGS ON THE FLOOR.

You know how to do so many things now–like roll over from your tummy to your back. You look funny when you do this–you crane your head high and sort of rock back and forth like a drunk before flopping over. I imagine you must feel triumphant when you find yourself on your back all of your own volition. A little like a sea lion must feel upon galumphing his way back into the surf. Rolling over from your back to your tummy proves to be a bit trickier–though you’re working on it. You can roll side to side, but it’s still hard for you to get up enough momentum to roll ALL THE WAY OVER. But when you do, you grin and grin, even when your arms are stuck under your belly and you’re doing face plants into the matteress or the floor.

And, yes you LOVE music! Like any good music.... from Hindi  Classical to Coldplay! :) And, thats so Yay!!

Oh, and you’re a good one with your poops too! Like a regular clockwork! :) And, yes  when you’re 17 and I’m sharing this information with your first date. (Which I will! I promise! Along with the zillion photos we took of you in all your little avatars!) 

But mostly, we love you so much! My heart has never felt so big, so gleeful, so proud, as when I am looking at you’re face. I love watching you learn. Love being home with you to watch these small miraculous discoveries occur. And I’m so happy you’re here.