So I fell ill and tried sleeping it off.  But I have a year old at home, and this was not the type, I have been waiting for, to catch me unawares; but the “transference-illness”; my son wasn’t feeling well and so… ! 

I tried sleeping it off but all I managed was perpetually fractured REM sleep. And, I carry on full length dramatized conversations and its more than lucid dreaming. It’s as if my conscious hops on a ledge and begins weaving a yarn, replete with complex characters and emotions. Was “Inception” fact-based after all?

The trees are all shedding, quivering in the autumn air, a hint of chill already in the evening air. Harbinger of cold months heading our way. A year of being a mom, a year of uncertainty – such that I have never known, a year of tumultuous emotional fare, on a perpetual roller coaster of hormones and brain chemistry.

I long to reconnect with my own narrative; the narrative that was solely me! And somehow, that doesn’t seem to be happening anytime soon. The movie has been shelved. The prints half done.
I dream of far off places, full of wanderlust. My reverie includes taking my baby along, showing him this beautiful planet and seeing things his way. Learning together, growing together. Living full!

Instead I have been on a task tackling spree one after another and by the time, I lie down to let sleep rejuvenate me for those next set of tasks, I am bone-tired but sleep doesn’t come sweetly. Doesn’t take me over, like its meant to and this goes one.

But, in all the chaos and the incoherency, I am thankful. Thankful for my son! For my family!  

A friend said… “be thankful, it could have been worse!” 

picture credit: Niemamowy

Copyright© Neerja Yadav

1 comment:

Sidewinder said...

Hyper Real...
Is this 'existentialism'?