Today, I am happy and relaxed. And, yes I still have tons to do at work. I think that’s the good thing. Put me under pressure, I glide. Put me under strain, I balk. And, when it comes to your only child, your first time parenting, even a little looks monstrous and some of these monstrosities slowly suck the life out of you!
He is better today and is his happy devil self again!
The sky is gray except for where the clouds are pulled thin, and then the sun shines through with milky light. Out my window birds arrive: chickadees, pigeons, house sparrows, crows. The alight among the iron railings of the terrace, and preen. Beautiful! Nirvaan gets happy, his four toothed grin radiating glee at them.
This is as close as I’ve come this week, to being outdoors: I even missed being at the School Reunion, the one which I have been looking forward to for months!! So, how do you do this? How do you compartmentalize you heart? I missed being with this bunch, like a hell lot! But, am happy I didn’t go, and stayed home with my son! Does being a woman, makes this easier? I guess.
Watching from my window as the world turns to winter outside. And I can hardly believe it: winter, just like that. The days darker and darker still. Inside, I’m at my desk; an itemized to-do list hanging on the wall in front of me: 104 projects of varying degrees of critical importance to be accomplished.
And it’s intense. That’s for certain. Especially with an infant underfoot!
This not the old jet-set, living of suitcase but at home and work, sedentary yet running, overflowing minutes. I love every single minute of the intensity and the exponential learning that takes place every day as the lens through which I’m looking widens, and then widens again. Its emergent! I love that the word emergent implies that the subject is always in process. Life in process, in evolution!
So right now, on the very smallest scale it comes down to this: to being in the moment, and applying it as broadly and flexibly as possible to all the moments those extend beyond it. It means going into the day expecting surprise; and about being present in the process when things converge—when news feeds, SoWs, code, images, ideas, systems and dirty dishes collide to create a small tear in the present through which innovation pours, like the milky light spilling through the clouds even now.
one monsoon evening from my terrace
Copyright © Neerja Yadav