birthday retrospective

In the swirling ink of darkness, right before the hardly open fluttering eyelids, silently fade into dream sequence; he presses his soft pink cheeks against my bosom. A soft lisped “mumma”; love in its ABSOLUTE snuggling up and all is ... quiet! Dreamless Fairy touched Sleep! 

And, as always I skateboard on my insomnia, tossing turning, conjuring images, tumbling through a tunnel of lucid dreaming in wakeful sleep! Almost like a tumble weed, only this one keeps gathering everything on the way and keeps getting heavier.

Bam! There’s morning playing peek-a-boo already!

Complete disorientation and yet i will the self to get up, get to work, get into the garb of a mother to ever demanding 16 month old; to the role of me – the professional, me – the house-body. 

Rinse! Repeat!

Hi there, Universe! I finish my 33 spins round the sun, like right this moment. Fouett├ęs en tournant, if you will and it’s not even a Coda yet! The finale, my dear, is nowhere in sight.

This last year:

I have begun and have had to abandon projects (like my ballet and French classes). I have woken in the mornings and thought of one thing that needs to be achieved that day and have been able to get it done! Yay, Me! I have had heart breaks and sunshine, both unexpectedly. I have had bad hair days and rose-pink look days. I have had lazy, laundry-overflowing days and neat as neat days. I have finished a book start to finish in a day and have taken days to finish one book! I have made budgets and stayed well within it and then left budgets WAY behind. I have pinched pennies and have spent like queens. I have screamed and shouted AND cuddled and cajoled.

I have been Me and more of the same. I have discovered and known myself. And finally at 32, i have made absolute complete friends with myself.

Nirvaan’s become lovely in this past month or so. Few gurgles to learning to say words and intelligence of his little conjectures! His love for Tea, Black Coffee and Dark Chocolate, knowing fully well, these are contraband for him. He loves to see our reactions when he is getting ready to get into mischief! Naughty. Independent. Stubborn and a Sweetheart! Showering kisses to huge meltdowns. Such a wonder of a kid, my little man!

These ending days of my personal year has been stress, responsibilities, loads of work and then suddenly laughter, love and sweetness. Giving! Giving of ourselves to each other, family, friends, neighbors.

Making pancakes with chai for breakfast, Italian flavored Indian dinners. Snatching few moments to tickle and laugh with each other from till-my-nose schedule!

Springs here, my favourite time of the year! And sunshine has become just that. Sunshine. All things romantic!

This year: Grace and Beauty for Me! And yes, the bucket lists of things. Those inconsequential and yet very much existential things, to be done!

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! Happy Birthday, Me!

Copyright © Neerja Yadav