dear night

 lull him into sleep, i slowly get away and finish re-arranging furniture
the diwan here and a lamp there
candles stacked and soft-toys carefully strewn around
am killing time, killing hyper-active brain cells,
i need sleep, i need fatigue
latenight music turned on
finally plop on the bed... a new eiderdown matteress
a blur of dreams, at 3:40 in the morning ... the shadows bleed into real
silhouettes of mundane, is now mystic... ghosts and faces outside my window
they look sad... sad because am not scared
share a cigarette... i hate the smell
smell of nicotine is like smell of past...
too haunted... too insignificant
wonder that it existed...
am an Yvaine and am Evanescence
and am Blessed...
bathed in angel's blood... i drift off to undrugged hallucination.
Copyright © Neerja Yadav

connected - lethally!


"I like it I'm not gonna crack
I miss you I'm not gonna crack
I love you I'm not gonna crack
I killed you I'm not gonna crack..."

the soul just wants to sing its song and say goodbye! did you know that souls could type? they sneak out of their nests at night, amongst the maze of blue, into the Kitchen, and there they write. 

they write on the moleskin and on the walls, they write on your pillow and your overalls
and those snow flakes you see or those autumn leaves, even those tiny fresh spring dewdrops ... 
they are all soul's words falling from the sky.

have i told you, i would like to be a bird, someday... ?
i could scale the skies and forget about making food or laundry
i could sail from tuscan sun to parisian moonlight...

i could fly over dante's inferno and settle on the treehouse
i could be all and none...

I'm stuck between the pages, a cellophaned rose in a galaxy of words... 
waiting for you to flip through...

Copyright © Neerja Yadav

"love story meets love story"

"And I am a writer, writer of fiction, I am the heart that you call home. And I’ve written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones…"

Theres a shadow at the doorway, a shadow clinging like nostalgic smell to everything. A shadow with a sound of its own.

Marit Larsen sings "if a song could get me you..." and i wish... it really WAS that nice and easy!  I bump into things. I walk in a slant. 

On the road there is traffic and I can hear it, a rumble, gravel crunching, the sound of someone driving away, and in my heart, blood pounding with everything: heat, love, regret, delight, irritation. The damned traffic makes me claustrophobic! It's a marvel how many of us are really here!

Above the cloud cover in the quiet sky, there are jets crossing, trailing contrail and higher, satellites, without sound, no atmosphere to hold the rumble in, no small thing to contain the noise of their velocity traveling through the dark among the lighted memory of stars.

I linger where it’s quiet, reluctant to get back to the clatter and a racket with toys.

The reverie obviously gets lightly tapped "Mummaaaaaa!" He says many words, but enunciates them poorly; always grinning, gesturing, moving. He is so tuned in emotionally, it always surprises me to see the way his face mirrors mine. When he’s done something naughty and I scold him, he bursts into tears of remorse, arms flung wide, running to me to fix it.

But oh, he’s got a temper too, that little one. When he want’s something and doesn’t get it, he’ll grab the nearest object and throw it to the floor howling, “No! No!” indignantly. And he does the perfect jelly-limbed all kick and squiggle tantrum. Nothing lasts though, and he’s like a summer day. Even when the clouds show up, it’s only for a little while.

So, i began on my home renovation project... longggg overdue!! and of course, its the kitchen and the kitchen terrace first! am so excited, i hardly sleep.... REALLY? as if i needed any more reasons for insomnia! 

i really do not know how to tie up this post... am multi-tasking again and sort of lost the mood with which i began... isn't that better.

for now, ciao... on these notes:

on my mix playlist - about 54 tracks from all over the planet. exotic. esoteric. ~~

on my screen: apart from 20 differnt firefox tabs, a deal SoW i need to finish proof reading before my 9 am meeting tomorrow!  ~duh!~

on me: A&F (i love them) jeans and Mango Tee  ~when lust n fashion collide~

in me: THAT ... my dear, is another story... ! ~hmmm in all caps~

Copyright © Neerja Yadav