I woke up to the pre-dawn inkiness with a start, almost like you wake up right before the alarm actually goes off, and sure enough in 10 seconds he screamed with a nightmare or something… the way kids do sometimes… I hugged him tight and within next ten seconds all was fine with the world, against mommy’s warmth.
Frozen in the after sleep limbo clouds… I lay there, holding him, the little curled up ball he still becomes at 3, like his pre One days …I lay there, taking in his fragrance, the feel of him… Enveloped. Cocooned.
The year ends today, not at a good note, from Sandy Hook to New Delhi… the globe is not right! Am surprised, we don’t get annihilated. I would like that! I sometimes even pray for it! There I said it. I know, I would get enough flak for this one. But, then I don’t see a mop strong enough, vacuum cleaner big enough to get the rot out. The rot of the collective. The experiment called man kind gone monstrous! There is no law, no system, no divine intervention, no poetic justice….. NOTHING TO MAKE IT BETTER!!
Till the gods decide on the date and time of Armageddon…
Back to doing what we do… philosophize, communicate, forget, forgive too and inventorize(coined this one). This last year has been a huge transition.
I’ve lost old friends, gained new ones(??); re evaluated my life and priorities. Stare down at the past, without regret, without guilt (something I am so prone to)… not because am hiding from them, but I can deal with
them…now easily… with detachment. Effectively!
I am breathing. It’s easy to forget to breathe. I am looking at the stereo playing some fusion classical, the way the ball shaped lamp jigs and bobs and the way cigarette smoke forms a halo around it. I look around at the bead curtains dancing to the night wind and the way moon-rays shiver their way through.
The distant traffic, the children playing, the night owl screech and my quiet … I gather all of these and … let all of them be my prayer. My prayer from my entire being. Prayer for ordinary things. Prayer for family…mine and everyone’s... the women who suffer(ed), the children who are gone, the fathers who passed on the highways… all of them. Prayer for friends. Prayer for every day. Prayer for ordinary things!
I shall try and smile through these tears.
Maybe. Just Maybe it will make a difference.
Till the kingdom comes!
p.s: special mention to these people for making my year what it was! Maa, Dad, Somu, Saloni, Doug, Subh, Vishali, Nitish, Rajesh, Kushal, Kunal, King, Anne, Prof Paranjpe, Homayoon, Sabiha, Preeti, Preeti Di, Reshu, Anukriti, Vicky, My Instagram Friends ( Jasmeet, Priyank, Ranjit, Rujul, Raghuvir and the rest of you guys!!)
Thank You, All! Have a blessed 2013!
Copyright © Neerja Yadav