love story that just began...



I pull the curtains close to find the bedroom filled with afternoon light filtered with light blue of the curtains. He snugly sleeps beside me, while I finish the tidbits of work on the notebook. With earphones warmly streaming assorted playlist… 

Mid-work I casually look at him… his warmth and vulnerability radiating… you can almost see the halo bleeding into the light blue… all I want is to dive back under the soft coverlet. Many a afternoons we lie this way, just breathing. 

I’ve been crushing on him for a while, and I can’t help but smile watching him in jeans and checked shirt.
He wakes me up, brews coffee, he cooks exotic stuff, he plays goofy, he loves, he smiles, he just looks at me and I inimitably collapse years and be sixteen and thirty-six at the same time… filling reams of pages with poetry… understated passion

This has been our ritual every morning, every afternoon, every evening… and I know… I did right to vow… this year… no matter what. Be Happy!

Simple things and routines that sustain my core; rituals that soften the edges and simplify the moments and reduce some of the stress I find all too easily creeps in.

Like a treasure hunter, I sift through the trunks of moments of my 2013 self; tracing the plot lines and inner narratives that in the moment never appeared connected, but from the vantage point of a year out, there are evident constellations.

I’ve found notes that, text messages, moments, conversations, stolen kisses, lingering hugs, belly-laugh, random drives and like the brilliantly lit up cities on planet earth from space… they trace the topography of life that began with one day and promises to be a happy one!

Of course, not without the complete blackouts which I know so well! Nevertheless, at least the outlines are shimmering!

Copyright © Neerja Yadav

the very un-baroqueness of life



I’m still crossing my fingers; trying to remember that everything is good right now. That life is good. But still, I can’t help wanting what I don’t have. 

He has been a bit unwell, with fever rimmed playfulness; now boisterous and talkative and now dull and a bit dusted. My heart feels like the tangled strings.

He is four something and already has a mind of his own; we know this as parents, yet it surprises us… the little warm fuzzy thing all dependant on you for the slightest movement; now can and does ask you to leave him alone.

The parabola of the want of Mommy and Mommy please go, too is dynamic. The mood, the weather, the need, the want, the people around…. Anything and everything can and will act as gravity and air drag.

No one warned me that you stop being everything that a day comes when your kiss no longer makes it better.
Yet, in between the combiflam and comforter; we somehow get through the day and even managed to dunk ourselves in squeals of silly laughter.

And, suddenly heavy lidded and a bit blocked nose… he dozes off. Don’t they look ethereal while asleep… and my heart breaks again with love and pain beyond comprehension…

Did not indulge in the customary year end or the New Year post! Though the first hours of this year were as fantastic as could be… I have been in that in-between phase of melting and frozen brains

Enough! Hope everyone is happy and well and lovely and possibly less haze-stupored than I.

Copyright © Neerja Yadav

p.s: A very Happy New Year to all of you! Please know that even though I do not publish all the comments and maybe am erratic in dropping by to say hello! I think of you espand thank you for being there and around!