So the year ends! A lot … and I mean A LOT happened this year.
I traveled through geographies (continents really), traversing breathing taking vistas to world-views,
feelings and realms – it wasn’t a roller coaster ride, No!
More like sailing. On steroids.
Time runs marathons. I stop. Panting doubled over – catching my breath – at the beauty and clutter of all of this. Life, as it happens. Each moment defining the next.
As we began this year - with exploring the impulsive moments; playing dress up for New Year’s Dinner Date and impromptu drive for a bite at Mumbai’s Mondegar – I told myself I would be more present.
More showing up – less careful planning and my list here feels like a pat on the back – more or less. Because first time in years did not finish my Reading Challenge
I did a highlights timeline of these 12 months and it literally just fills up one page and I know I could write a book if I wanted to. But. Am Lazy and well Am a Memory Hoarder.
I don’t yet want to put it all out.
This year for the first time - felt like it was mine! My time. My mindfulness.
My growing into myself year
Tiger Heart and Swan Vulnerability. Nagging doubts and the bourgeois vanity.
Gratified in knowledge that I could set pulses racing and turn heads and be completely grounded.
Content that I could get giddy with adrenaline for blood and not be jaded.
Blasting the walls of my comfort zone – the cocoon no longer served its purpose - I met some amazing new people and learnt the topographies of new stories. The way someone’s nose crinkles and the way someone else’s laugh lifts off and how one person’s eyes light up when they talk about their children and how the other one’s dances when they talk about their passion of wine and yachts and the shift in the air when someone wants to kiss you or is about to confess something silly. The easy camaraderie of colleagues to tense awkwardness of dates.
The realisation that the little things still move or outrage me, was humbling. It was heartening to know – I could still make mistakes – too trusting sometimes, cynical in other moments. It was lovely to connect with the core, which still believed in the larger good of humanity – with a pinch of salt, of course! J
It takes commitment to show up every day – to show up in time to work on the person one is. It takes every fiber of one’s being in taking up responsibility to connect and to be detached.
In accepting the dark and the light – all at once.
And in the year to come - I vow:
· To be vulnerable and
· To keep the core resilient
· To Learn
· To make the remainder of this life a work of art
And… even with broken heart, perhaps despite that
· To believe in Love – because really, what else is there?
Adios, 2018! You were a sine wave. You were glorious.
Copyright © Neerja Yadav