One, two, three, four, five, nine... and now thirteen” - all I did was, blink...
And just like that, I can feel the way things are changing. His boyhood and with it an entire chapter of parenthood (insert a hood joke here) was a solid colour, different shades but the same solid colour. Now, comes the splintered spectrum, various frequencies and wavelengths colliding, converging, diverging. Am already witnessing it - now a sweet giggly child, now a 'disgusting' teen boy, now a glimpse of a man he is becoming and a peek into that beautiful complex mind of his.
This separation, of his personhood; it's a complex terrain of emotions. There is getting to know this person he is becoming, beaming-faced, hilarious, sensitive, full of empathy, resilient and above all a man with integrity.
Parents Teachers Conferences are a delight and so is watching him throw himself into whatever he chooses to do with full gusto. Being an elder brother to baby cousins or a digital artist or prepping for student council meeting as it's President
It’s not something I expected or even considered: That it would feel this way to be here, at the other side of boyhood: Bittersweet. The kid with hair in his eyes, monkeying around the house on a self confessed no-sugar sugar high slowly metamorphosing into this beautiful teen - slightly vain, lots of cheekiness.
The world narrows so much when you’re in the thick of parenting in the first decade and then suddenly the aperture shifts, and they're taller than you - talking about climate change and planning parties in the same breath.
How to do this gracefully?
This part where I try to stop calling my baby “my baby?” Because "am not a baby any more, Mummy!"
My love,
I am in awe today as I look at you, a boy who is closer to being a man I have not met than to being the baby with head full of raven hair and eyes so wide and toothy grins. It is impossible to record all of those memories, all of the milestones and parties and vacations, the field trips and sporting events and spontaneous funny things that you have said. But you should know that those memories are like jewels to me. They are gems stored away in the treasure chest of my mind. You my love, are your own wonderful blessing. The fact that the Universe chose to make you my legacy, is a cherry on the top!
This day, when you enter the ages you've always wanted to be in. Wrapping up all that we talk about in a few tenets, the touchstones to chart the course of your life with:
- Be the kind, generous, respectful person you are
- Trust yourself, your gut, your intuition
- Live in the now and Make mistakes - there's strength in learning from them
- Work Hard - there's no substitute for it
- Play Hard - there's no substitute for it
- Know when to lead, when to follow - find your voice and help those who are ready to find theirs - you will know when, trust your gut
- If they make you better - they are for you.
- If it makes you better - it is for you. The barometer for everything is - does it make you feel good about yourself
- Your words matter
- Your dreams matter and working for them define your destiny
- All emotions are part of you - it's good to feel, the price of living a full life is to get hurt, get up and live again. You always have a choice!
- Put the phone down - connect in-person
- Above All - Know that you are LOVED and Cherished Always!
Happy Birthday, Jana!
Love, Mummy!