In a grim grey of a hotel room, you lie crouched
in the much used bed, fighting the cold with the much manhandled quilt,
thankful for them both! Small mercies! Not for long, the glands get into frenzy
and you miss your baby, physical ache, that!
Reality makes strange room-mates and this time,
yours is, a drunken cynical, venom spewing 32 year old. You chew on your lower
lip to keep the bile at bay. You are screaming in your head. You smash a glass.
Sleep mutates into desert village tap, in spurts
and bursts followed by long dry spell.
A dog barks irreverently somewhere, the cold night
echoing it off.
And, then it begins. In the cold dark huddle of a
2:57 AM, the full blown panic attack, clammy hands, jet-like heartbeats, the stinging
hot tears! From here to eternity, all you see is a chasm of loneliness! The claustrophobia
of repression!
A loneliness attack for a loner, a confirmed
solitude lover is ten times over!
Maybe tomorrow, you’ll feel different. Maybe it
will be better.
You will an image, an idea, a phrase, a string of
notes… anything to make the mist diffuse.
You will an image of all that has been gorgeous,
you make it persist; you make it fight the insane night, but you know the
fights almost out of you.
And then, just like that, the night folds away,
the sunshine take shy ginger steps gathering her hem laces. Tiptoes a smile! “You’ll be fine, sweetie!”
My personal equinox of soul! The light moving just
enough that you know it has a vibration of life.
In the face of a laughable mess of smithereens,
that you can become! You will your willpower to just stay with you some more
until it becomes a force of it’s own.
Enough of escape routes and worst case scenarios, when
it feels utterly impossible to finish. But you can, and you will…
The tightrope walk over the valley of failure and
ugliness, of devastation and loneliness, slowly becomes your forte’. This is
the time to intend and focus on happiness. There’s work to do, and it needs to
begin now.
The day brings a promise! A promise of love after the closure!
Copyright © Neerja Yadav
misery likes company #neersRehashedplayList