if this year did one thing right, it was to get everyone to agree on what a weird year it was!! nothing finds friends like shared misery.
by this hour of this calendar year. It's a thing now, isn't it? to talk about this year in shouty caps 2020 or @)@) or TWENTY TWENTY or underlined or with adjectives like tough, weird, new normal etc etc... we humans, we love our labels and hashtags.
i had a quiet, peaceful, heads down and deep concentrated work of a year and i saw nirvaan grow up into a wilful and thoughtful tween. a boy with a naughty grin and a faraway look, a boy with a big heart and a very brilliant mind of a musician, a writer (he wrote a book!!!), a lego artist and a philosopher... it was the best of being grateful year.
so, when I shut my laptop on 17th of Dec evening and locked it away; I was looking forward to these last two weeks of absolute self care, self healing, lazy pots-of-tea-with-books-and-shows-with-knitting days ahead of me.
and for once in my working life; I was looking forward to a holiday. a proper holiday.
a holiday without an additional stress of travel plans and itinerary juggling and packing/unpacking shenanigans. a holiday of quiet and cozy times. a holiday of late breakfast and early dinners.
a holiday of staring into nothing for hours without a guilt of chore left undone and deadlines to meet.
but of course, it was to be jinxed. the very next day threw me a curve ball - a solid one and by the time we sorted it on Christmas Eve, bam! another one and by the time that one got sorted today... wait for it... another one...
and yes, i know, it would get sorted and yes i am sure this is all transitory and sometimes non action or one step at a time is the only answer and yes i know am overthinking crackling electric ball of anxiety right now and it's not helpful
AND yes i know i am almost always in a warrior mode trying to fend off all imagined enemies (blame it on conditioning, genetic predilection and/or on historical data) and there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to be so or negativise my energy
AND no am not meds or therapy; nothing against them or for them - don't think they are for me (ref the warrior mode) ... it's exhausting being me most times and it's glorious too...
I will survive and I will thrive. You know why?
because that's how it's meant to be...
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