Whispers of Resurrection

​

Alchemizing

my hunger into holiness

my sanity into sinfulness

What if the answer

isn’t in endings,

but in the quiet bloom of beginnings?

Not in tearing apart,

but weaving together—

a tapestry

where all the gods meet,

their love spilling

into the soil of our souls,

birthing myths

we’ve yet to imagine

Do you feel the stars

holding their breath,

as we dare to wish upon them?

Do they wait,

trembling in their brilliance,

to see if we’ll rise

to meet our own dreams?

Do you think the universe

leans closer,

its vastness folding

into our fragile hearts?

Copyright©Neer

Quinceanero!

As the clock strikes midnight, and the stars twinkle like scattered diamonds across the velvet sky, a new chapter unfolds in your life. Today, you turn 15—a number that dances in the air, shimmering with possibilities and dreams yet to be realized.

In this enchanted moment, I want you to know how proud I am of the person you are becoming. Each year, you grow not just in age but in wisdom, kindness, and spirit. You possess a unique magic that lights up our lives, much like the fireflies that flicker in the twilight, illuminating the path ahead.

Fifteen is not just an age; it’s a portal to adventure. Imagine stepping into a world where dreams take flight on the wings of imagination. Embrace this time with open arms, for it is filled with whispers of new opportunities and the sweet scent of discovery. 

As you journey through this year, remember that it’s perfectly fine to chase after your wildest dreams. Mistakes are merely stepping stones sprinkled along your path—each one a lesson wrapped in mystery, guiding you toward your true self. 

I cherish every moment we share—those late-night conversations where we weave tales of wonder and laughter that echo through our home like a gentle breeze. Your nonstop nerdy chatter on subjects, ideas you are passionate about. Your goofing around and your moodiness. All of these - the glorious shades of colours create a beautiful kaleidoscope of my life. 

Your laughter is a melody that dances through the air, enchanting everyone around you. 

Be You and continue to be the best version of you! Chase dreams, build friendships, make mistakes, embrace all your shades. 

Live! Every moment! 

Happy 15th,  My Heart! 

Copyright©Neer

Beginning of new things

Tonight as the T9 plays percussion on the windows, I cannot help but ride the wave of nostalgia. It feels like just yesterday that I held you in my arms for the first time, marveling at the tiny bundle that wrapped all of my soul in! You remain the most beautiful thing I ever met. 

And before you say ‘that’s not true!’ Let me tell you, am allowed to be not objective!  It’s in the job description ☺️

Can you believe it? Fourteen candles flickering on your birthday cake, reminding us all that you are no longer a little boy but a brilliant young man. 

First and foremost, let me say that you are an absolute rockstar. Your intelligence shines through in everything you do. You amaze me with your thirst for knowledge and the way you effortlessly soak it all in.  You have grown not only in height, but also in character. Your kindness, compassion, and generosity shine through in everything you do. Whether it's helping a friend in need or standing up for what's right, you have always displayed an innate sense of goodness that fills my heart with joy and gratitude.

So, here's to being fourteen and still leaving your mom struggling to keep up with your brilliance!

Ah, your sense of humor – the goofiness that never fails to fill our house with laughter. You have a knack for turning even the dullest moments into something hilarious and memorable. Your perfectly timed jokes and silly antics always light up the room. 

You are determined to give your best in everything you pursue, and it's a quality that will take you far in life. Whether it's acing exams, perfecting your basketball skills, or mastering that new guitar riff, you approach every challenge with unwavering dedication. Your work ethic is truly inspirational, my baby

As you embark on your teenage years, I want you to live in the moment, be present and embrace yourself, all the essence of yourself and never be afraid to learn and grow and question and go after your dreams. 

You are a stardust of boundless potential, my love, and the planet is that much better with you in it! 

Know that I will always be your home! 

Happy 14th, my goofy ‘crosstridge’ heart! 

Love, Ma 

Copyright©Nee

Chasing Fireflies

One, two, three, four, five, nine... and now thirteen” - all I did was, blink...

 

And just like that, I can feel the way things are changing. His boyhood and with it an entire chapter of parenthood  (insert a hood joke here) was a solid colour, different shades but the same solid colour. Now, comes the splintered spectrum, various frequencies and wavelengths colliding, converging, diverging. Am already witnessing it - now a sweet giggly child, now a 'disgusting' teen boy, now a glimpse of a man he is becoming and a peek into that beautiful complex mind of his.

This separation, of his personhood; it's a complex terrain of emotions. There is getting to know this person he is becoming, beaming-faced,  hilarious, sensitive, full of empathy, resilient and above all a man with integrity. 

Parents Teachers Conferences are a delight and so is watching him throw himself into whatever he chooses to do with full gusto. Being an elder brother to baby cousins or a digital artist or prepping for student council meeting as it's President

It’s not something I expected or even considered: That it would feel this way to be here, at the other side of boyhood:  Bittersweet. The kid with hair in his eyes, monkeying  around the house on a self confessed no-sugar sugar high slowly metamorphosing into this beautiful teen -  slightly vain, lots of cheekiness.

The world narrows so much when you’re in the thick of parenting in the first decade and then suddenly the aperture shifts, and they're taller than you - talking about climate change and planning parties in the same breath.

How to do this gracefully? 

This part where I try to stop calling my baby “my baby?” Because "am not a baby any more, Mummy!" 

My love,

I am in awe today as I look at you, a boy who is closer to being a man I have not met than to being the baby with head full of raven hair and eyes so wide and toothy grins.  It is impossible to record all of those memories, all of the milestones and parties and vacations, the field trips and sporting events and spontaneous funny things that you have said.  But you should know that those memories are like jewels to me.  They are gems stored away in the treasure chest of my mind. You my love, are your own wonderful blessing.  The fact that the Universe chose to make you my legacy, is a cherry on the top! 

                                               

              

This day, when you enter the ages you've always wanted to be in. Wrapping up all that we talk about in a  few tenets, the touchstones to chart the course of your life with:

1. Be the kind, generous, respectful person you are 
2. Trust yourself, your gut, your intuition
3. Live in the now and Make mistakes - there's strength in learning from them
4. Work Hard - there's no substitute for it
5. Play Hard - there's no substitute for it
6. Know when to lead, when to follow - find your voice and help those who are ready to find theirs - you will know when, trust your gut 
7. If they make you better - they are for you. 
8. If it makes you better - it is for you. The barometer for everything is - does it make you feel good about yourself 
9. Your words matter 
10. Your dreams matter and working for them define your destiny
11. All emotions are part of you - it's good to feel, the price of living a full life is to get hurt, get up and live again. You always have a choice!
12. Put the phone down - connect in-person 
13. Above All - Know that you are LOVED and Cherished Always!

Happy Birthday, Jana! 

Love, Mummy!

Copyright©Nee

The kissing number in 3D, the number of completeness

“Until you’re in it you can’t comprehend the cipher of guilt and fear and longing that instinct scrawls across your days as a parent.” writes Christina in her Field Guide to Now and I couldn’t  agree more and then some… 

It’s 4:30 in the morning and the incessant pelting of the rains against the window panes and everything  else; adds to the quiet choreography of my heart 

It’s 4:30 and I woke up up to write this birthday letter. Unlike the last 11 years - this one is going to be a hurried scrawl and seems significant if only for that reason.  I haven’t written in ages … 

You went to bed late with a good night words of ‘ hey mummy (your start of every sentence!!) i can’t believe am turning 12 in only a few hours!!”  I know baby, I know …. how did it happen?? 

You are taller than me, you are smarter and nerdier than me at that age. And much much better soul than I can ever hope to be :)

And, ‘a very gentle and light spirit’ ; ‘a delight to be around’; - as all of your teachers informed in the Parents Teacher Conference. 

This last year you became more sensitive, more resilient, curious and self aware, surprisingly you are a balance of tween self indulgence and zen gregariousness and everyone is drawn to this. 

Wary of it at first because it’s difficult to see the light of you and accept it as it is and then be drawn to it … because how can you not? 

You are nostalgic and scientific, you know what you want and painfully deliberate over your choices, you love the beauty of the things and want to be kind even to things that don’t inspire beauty in you … because how can one not?

I love you and am in awe of you every single moment… because how can I not? 

You continue to dazzle me with your silliness and your maturity, with your dramatic flair and somber thoughts, your agonising over fairytales and philosophical discourses. 

You are all that’s good in me even when it’s dark … all that could possibly be good in the world…in all it’s grey glory.  

Happy Happy Birthday, My heart …

Love you infinity times …

-Mummy 

Copyright©Nee

It's February...

Galaxy in My Glass

When I began this year with a day of spring cleaning and an evening of my 11 yo teaching me how to ride a scooter and after a few failed attempts and he being a patient teacher; coming back to the warm yellow of fairy lights lit home - I just knew this was one of those silently momentous turns of life. 

It has been long time coming, my slow move into a space of doing less and being more. A free-fall into being human. Meditatively human. Aware of self and aware of things around you. 

Sounds very avantgarde' and a saintly existence. 

Can you then imagine being depressed? 

And afflicted with the same old loneliness? 

And insomnia, with head filled with dark images enough to scare M Night Shyamalan?  

YES. 

And the way to survive and shine through it all, through the days and nights fraught with macabre and magic too, is to just let it be. And suffice it to say, IT'S NOT EASY.  

But, then I also realised, for me, no amount of therapy or Xanax is going to help if you relinquish the power of kindness for yourself to the terrorism of your mind. It is what, it is. And I have utmost respect for the entity my mind is,  but I also need the agency to let it blow it's steam off without my being sucked into its shenanigans. I am not advocating this for anyone - it's my way and well has worked for me. 

It is after all a product of messed up evolutionary drama with over bred, survival instincts laden and fantasy driven chemical synapses enmeshed into millions of neurons.

Trying to control one’s mind via intervention - of any sorts is like trying to make a dent in the universe. With no disrespect for Late Mr Jobs, it’s simply not possible.  

We are inconsequential in multiverse’s larger scheme (Douglas Adams had the right idea) and we are absolutely divine in our own self – it seems like a paradox; it isn't really.  

For eg: with the human population exploding to the brinksmanship today, one would not be amiss to think that it literally should be the simplest of the things – child birth. But anyone who has had children or been pregnant, knows... it is not so!!  It still remains a marvel of nature. Forming of a living functioning entity inside you. The beauty of things around us, are paradoxical, always!  Existence is paradoxical.

I said to a friend - I am self aware(ly) depressed. And, I realised, it’s in fact truer than I meant it to be. 

Not maniacally. Just very very aware. It ebbs like an ocean – toggling between the calm mirror like surface water and then the churning tidal waves hit the surface.  

 

18th was my birthday and whilst I had no plans except spending the day quietly by myself, with the child back in school. It just unwittingly turned out to be happy hour cocktail brunch with friends. A tribe of smart beautiful women.  

And I gave up on my last social media thread. The only keeper of social timeline – Instagram today. It’s an experiment to lessen the despondency laced dependence on the culture of scrolling and double tap. It was eating up my hours – and no, am nowhere near addiction by any measure - I still didn’t appreciate the fact that I was losing my hours unbeknownst to me.  

I gave up credit cards last year and WhatsApp too, now with this - I think my cyber hermitting level 1 is complete. 

Would I ever again join the society of reactions, likes and engagements? Perhaps. 

If there’s one thing, I have learnt in my all my 4 decades is to never shut the door to learning and evolving, however, that may be.  

At that final hour, when I have a minute to reflect on this life, I would like it to read like a classic: “a book which with each rereading offers as much of a sense of discovery as the first reading.”  

Be Kind, To Self, First! It's quite underrated and the power is immense. So long... 

Copyright © Nee